All grown up

Apparently graduating from college is supposed to equate with adulthood in some skewed, non-sensical equation.

Since I am not measuring up, I've decided that the following three items can help to balance the equation.1. Dress slip. I'm tired of wearing volleyball spandex in order to wear some of my clingier dresses. Did I just admit that? It's time to buy a freaking slip.

2. Perfume. Typically, my only form of perfume is B&B lotion (or in the case of my dear sister, dryer sheets). I would like to say that my mature sense of smell wants to buy Chanel No. 5, but I actually think it smells like grandma drawers full of flannel. I'm gonna aim for Daisy instead.

3. Perfect white button-down. My Banana Republic, crinkled, thin number just isn't cutting it anymore. White button-down + perfect pair of jeans+minimal gold jewelry+ fabulous heels=adult?

The Drive: A pictorial essay

I made the trek from Utah to Texas AGAIN. Trip #24ish?
The scenery doesn't ever change.

Southern Utah is still hell

Durango, Co is still fabulous

Texas hill country is still heaven.

But apparently New Mexico now borders an ocean. That IS a notable change.
Friggin global warming.

Bread Bowl Boy

(blurred for the anonymity of all parties)

Care and I had a front-row seat to this freak show date last week. Bless their little hearts. Well mostly bless the boy's heart. His heart needs a lot of blessing. So does his middle school spikey hair. I think Eugene is an accurate name guess for him.

Some notables that were overheard from the mouth of Eugene :

"Well goodness, this bread bowl surprised me! It's sourdough..I've never had a sourdough bread bowl before! How surprising!"

"I just don't understand why Tina didn't like him. He's funny AND active." (Read: funny and active in your church does not equal automatic marriage)

"What's the deal with Melinda? She keeps saying she's busy...but I can't help thinking it has something to do with me."

Look, Eugene, if you keep talking about other girls and bread bowls on your dates, Melinda ain't never gonna call you back.

Exhausted

Hi.

I'm freaking tired.
But I graduated.
And I'm in Texas.
I'll be back later today.

Nugget Shoes

I bought the little nugget these babies last week


I just wanted something simple and practical for all of her 6 month old walking needs.

The Vegas

I ventured down to the city of sin and debauchery last week.
I've found that Vegas doesn't really cater to Mormons much...shocking.
And yet we manage to have (sober) fun every single time.

Shannon's ma hooked us up with a suite at the Veniche (that's what those in the know call it..trust me)

So we did what any crazy twenty-somethings would do...kegger..gambling...clubbing...followed by jumping on the bed.

The weather was insane.

It turns out that truckers WILL respond to you if you pull over to take pictures. We narrowly escaped roadside kidnapping.

And I'm done with college. Completely. I am now a productive, mature adult..by default.

Bless your little hearts

We had some quotables during Church yesterday.

Random married speaker:
"I know this is a singles ward, so you don't have the hope of an eternal companion to cling on to like I do..but...."

Maybe he was going with the theme of Easter and hope and somehow got sidetracked by the fact that all single people are apparently hopeless and alone.

Random engaged speaker:

"Not to rub it in, but I'm getting married in two weeks and getting out of here. I'll send you a postcard from the family ward."

Yes, please send me a postcard from your one bedroom basement apartment in Provo.

That was not the worst of it though.

Said engaged couple sat on the stand for the rest of the meeting like this:

Once again, I wish I was kidding, but this really happened..for an hour. I didn't know what to do with myself. It was like looking at a car wreck. I wanted to look away, but I just couldn't believe that two people found this to be socially acceptable and I couldn't avert my eyes.

I know my grandpa would have found this to be truly egregious.


The moral of the story is that singles wards are holding cells for real life, apparently.
I must have missed that in the brochure.

Martha Stewart is a liar

Do not be fooled by these eggs and their party time exterior.
They will take you a lifetime. A LIFETIME.
Martha makes it seem like a little afternoon project filled with shiny sparkles and joy.

While there was joy (Sonic induced?), it takes forever and you may or may not find glitter in places that you never expected to find glitter.

Mardi Gras?
I'll show you their display later as an Easter treat.

For another Easter treat, see the meanest mom's attempt at an Easter craft.
I love that woman.

AI

Except for this guy's STELLAR performance last night...
I was too distracted by constant camera panning to celebs in the audience to pay attention much.
But Lil and Scott....ya gotta go.

I saw:

This creeper from Fringe, four times too many.

Wait, Fringe comes on after AI? Great subtle tie-in

Paul Mitchell.

Not kidding. I hear he's a big Randy Jackson fan.

And finally, if you looked between Kara and Paula at ANY point during the night..
Mr. Rob Dyrdek was in full view.
sans meaty.
I think they should have Rob and big black be the mentors one week...with meaty and mini horse running around in the background.

GOLDEN.

Also, Randy should have to pay a fine for every time he mentions Keyshia Cole from here on out.
It's tired, dawg.

"It's bananas homie"

Ah, yes. The Hills have returned. Faker and filled with more collagen than ever.

Exhibit AThe new lips look great,Stephanie!

And poor Lauren had a surprise party..thrown on a yacht...and she was forced to advertise for Avon all the while.
Exhibit B.I think it might be juicy berry.
Way to endorse, LC!

The most shocking moment of the night was to find out that Spencer is still, in fact, a douchebag of epic proportions.
When does the story actually arc? Do douchebags ALWAYS stay douchebags? You've got five seasons under your belt, Spency..lets change things up.
Exhibit C.
Maybe if I date him he will pay for my plastic surgery with his phantom, non-existent job!
WINNER!!!!!

The best moment of the night came right about...here.
Perfection, girls.
The acting classes have really paid off.
AND THE TEARS!!! ALMOST REALISTIC!
Bravo!!!
Heid looked like the glitter eggs that Kendy and I attempted last night...except with more plastic, blonde weave and face foundation that is applied with a trowel!

REALITY TV at its finest!!!

Apple Harlow Tallulah Nielson

Little nugget Nielson is a girl!
I can't wait to buy this little girl's love.
I'm kidding...sort of.

I got this little number for her last night and I've started sewing a slightly bigger version for Carly so they can have mommy and me outfits for every day of the week.
Carly is gonna look precious in these....

One thing I will not be buying for the little nugget are these.
Small ones are adorable, but I don't want my niece being outshined by a garden on her head.

TOT

Ten out of Tenn was a musical explosion of goodness.
I left as a huge fan of Jeremy Lister and Matthew Perryman Jones.
I highly recommend an iTunes trip to find them.

Rie and I made s'mores with Andy Davis, Tyler James and the rest of them post-show. We were just living out the groupie dream.